Stephenson’s Apple Farm: Family Influence

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I’m too young to remember going to this restaurant, but fortunately my family bought their spiralbound cookbook.  So many of the recipes have become family classics. It’s actually hard for me to imagine not having these recipes in my repertoire, sure I’ve made some subtle and some not so subtle changes to their recipes over the years though the inspiration iscompletely Stephenson’s Apple Farm.  Unfortunately the restaurant closed in 2007, but lives on in many homes.  My own thought are echoed here:

”I remember arriving at Stephenson’s and running down the stairs to the lobby where there was a barrel with ice cold apple cider and these little 2-ounce paper cups. I must have filled mine 10 times.

I remember walking into the Parlour, the first room to the left of the lobby, red velvet wallpaper and a little faux balcony, one of eight dining rooms at the Old Apple Farm Restaurant. I remember the paintings on the wall, the white tablecloths, starched napkins, candles on each table and the big glasses.

We sat down, and my father immediately ordered two dozen apple fritters and some chicken livers. All the boys were served cider in big chilled glasses, while Mom and Dad sipped apple daiquiris. They were served on little cocktail napkins with Stephenson’s logo and a bite taken out of the apple. Did I mention the bowls of fresh apple butter served with the fritters? How about the corn relish? Oh my …“

~ JASPER J. MIRABILE JR., “Kansas City Star”

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Most Admired: Rie Munoz

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Rie Munoz (1921-2015)

Rie Munoz is an Alaskan artist that was born and raised in California. In 1951 she went on vacation to Alaska, traveling the inside passage by steamship she arrived at Juneau. She fell in love with Juneau and gave herself one day to find a job and a place to live before the steamship left. She landed a newspaper job, a place to live and Alaska has been her home since.

Over the years she has lived in many small Alaskan communities and held numerous jobs, among them journalist, teacher, museum curator and artist. In 1951 she held the position of a teacher on King Island where she taught twenty-five Eskimo children. This time in her life is featured in the January 1954 issue of National Geographic. Her paintings reflect her interest and fascination with day-to-day Alaskan activities such as village life, whaling, fishing both sport and commercial, berry picking, children playing, folklore and legends.

In 1972 she devoted herself fulltime to art and she began to publish full color reproductions of a small number of her watercolors. She produced about sixty originals a year. Over the years I have collected several of her reproductions. She describes her artwork:

“My artwork can best be described as expressionism. The term applies to work that rejects camera snapshot realism, and instead, expresses emotion by distortion and strong colors. My paintings reflect an interest in the day-to-day activities of Alaskans such as fishing, berry picking, children at play, crabbing, and whaling. I am also fascinated with the legends of Alaska’s Native people. While I find much to paint around Juneau, most of my material comes from sketching trips taken to the far corners of Alaska. I’ve taught school on King Island in the Bering Sea, traveled and sketched almost every community in Alaska.”
~ Rie Munoz

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Most Admired: Marguerite Porete

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Marguerite Porete (?-1310)

Marguerite Porete was a French mystic and the author of “The Mirror of Simple Souls.” It is a Christian Spiritual work concerning divine love. When she refused to remove her book form circulation and recant her views she was burned at the stake as a heretic in 1310. Little is known of her life except through her trial for heresy and it is certainly biased and incomplete. She has been a rather obscure figure until recent years as until 1946 her work had been published anonymously since her death.

Porete was officially warned by the Church that her works were heretical and they were publically burned by the Bishop of Cambrai. She had written her book in Old French as opposed to Latin and was ordered not to circulate her ideas ever again. She was eventually arrested by the local inquisitor. Twenty-one theologians scoured her book for evidence of heresy. In the end three bishops passed final judgment on her. After a year and a half in prison in Paris her trial began. She refused to recant her ideas or cooperate with the authorities. Because she did not recant she was found guilty and burnt at the stake. As she died the crowd is said to have been moved to tears by her calmness.

“The Mirror of Simple Souls,” is an allegorical conversation between Love, Reason, Soul, and Truth. It deals with Porete’s belief that when the soul is full of God’s love it is united with God and in a union which transcends the contradictions of the world. In this state one cannot sin because the soul is united with God’s will and incapable of such. A few quotes:

“O Truth, says this Soul, for god’s sake, do not say
That of myself I might ever say something of Him,
save through Him;
And this is true, do not doubt it,
And if it pleases you to know whose I am,
I will say it through pure courtesy:
Love holds me so completely in her domain,
That I have neither sense, nor will,
Nor reason to do anything,
Except through her, as you know.”

“Theologians and other clerks,
You won’t understand this book,
— However bright your wits —
If you do not meet it humbly,
And in this way, Love and Faith
Make you surmount Reason, for
They are the protectors of Reason’s house. ”

“God has nowhere to put his goodness, if not in me no place to put himself entire, if not in me. And by this means I am the exemplar of salvation, and what is more, I am the salvation itself of every creature, and the glory of God.”
~ Marguerite Porete

Most Admired: Simone de Beauvoir

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Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986)
Simone-Ernestine-Lucie-Marie Bertrand de Beauvoir was a French existentialist philosopher, intellectual, feminist and social theorist. She did not consider herself a philosopher, however her contributions to existential feminist thought firmly enshrines her legacy as one. In her lifetime she wrote novels, essays, biographies, a multi-volume autobiography, including articles/essays on philosophy, politics, and social issues. She is best remembered for her treatise “The Second Sex,” a highly detailed analysis of women’s oppression and as it relates and influences contemporary feminism. She is also known for her two metaphysical novels “She Came to Stay” and “The Mandarins,” but by far best known or renown for “The Second Sex.”

Simone de Beauvoir was born in Paris and studied mathematics and philosophy at the Institut Catholique and literature/languages at the Institut Sainte-Marie. She then went on to study philosophy at the Sorbonne. Afterwards while completing her practice teaching requirements she first met Maurice Merleau-Ponty and Claude Lévi-Strauss. While studying for her agrégation in philosophy (a highly competitive postgraduate civil service examination which serves as a national ranking of students for some position in the public education system) she met fellow students Jean-Paul Sartre, Paul Nizan, and René Maheu. The jury narrowly awarded Sartre first place over Beauvoir. She was twenty-one at the time and the youngest ever to pass the exam.

In June 1949 “The Second Sex” was published in France. She argues that men made women the “Other” in society by putting a false and constructed mystery around them. Therefore men used this as their excuse not to understand women, their problems and most importantly not to help them. She went on to argue that men stereotyped women and used it to organize society into a patriarchy. As an existentialist she believed, “l’existence précède l’essence” (existence precedes essence), there by one is not born a woman, but becomes one. It is the social construction of woman that she identifies as fundamental to woman oppression. She went on to argue that even Mary Wollstonecraft considered men to be the ideal to which women should aspire and that this belief limited women’s success by maintaining that perception. She vigorously argued that for feminism to move forward this assumption must be set aside. Thus Beauvoir aseerted that women are as capable of choice as man, and therefore can ellect to elevate themselves and move beyond the position which they have been resigned and reach a position in which they take responsibility for oneself and the world, where one can choose one’s freedom.

A long quote and a few short quotes :

“Art, literature, and philosophy are attempts to found the world anew on a human freedom: that of the creator; to foster such an aim, one must first unequivocally posit oneself as a freedom. The restrictions that education and custom impose on a woman limit her grasp of the universe…Indeed, for one to become a creator, it is not enough to be cultivated, that is, to make going to shows and meeting people part of one’s life; culture must be apprehended through the free movement of a transcendence; the spirit with all its riches must project itself in an empty sky that is its to fill; but if a thousand fine bonds tie it to the earth, its surge is broken. The girl today can certainly go out alone, stroll in the Tuileries; but I have already said how hostile the street is: eyes everywhere, hands waiting: if she wanders absentmindedly, her thoughts elsewhere, if she lights a cigarette in a cafe, if she goes to the cinema alone, an unpleasant incident can quickly occur; she must inspire respect by the way she dresses and behaves: this concern rivets her to the ground and self. “Her wings are clipped.” At eighteen, T.E. Lawrence went on a grand tour through France by bicycle; a young girl would never be permitted to take on such an adventure…Yet such experiences have an inestimable impact: this is how an individual in the headiness of freedom and discovery learns to look at the entire world as his fief…[The girl] may feel alone within the world: she never stands up in front of it, unique and sovereign.”

“One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, and compassion”

“A man attaches himself to woman — not to enjoy her, but to enjoy himself.”

“Man is defined as a human being and a woman as a female – whenever she behaves as a human being she is said to imitate the male.”

“Society, being codified by man, decrees that woman is inferior; she can do away with this inferiority only by destroying the male’s superiority.”

“The word love has by no means the same sense for both sexes, and this is one cause of the serious misunderstandings that divide them.”

“Representation of the world, like the world itself, is the work of men; they describe it from their own point of view, which they confuse with absolute truth.”

“One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius; and the feminine situation has up to the present rendered this becoming practically impossible.”
~ Simone de Beauvoir

Most Admired: Hildegard of Bingen

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Hildegard of Bingen (circa 1098-1179)
Hildegard of Bingen was a German writer, composer, philosopher, Christian mystic, Benedictine abbess, visionary and polymath (a person whose expertise spans a significant number of different subject areas. An example of another famous polymath would be Leonardo da Vinci). She wrote theological, botanical, and medicinal texts, as well as letters, liturgical songs, poems, a morality play, also supervising over miniature illuminated manuscripts. Her morality play is the oldest surviving example of its form. In 1136 she was elected a magistra (teacher) by her fellow nuns. In 1150 she founded the monastery of Rupertsberg and in 1165 Eibingen.

It is believed she was born about 1098, but the exact date of her birth is unknown. She was the tenth child of a family of free nobles and was sickly from birth. From a very young age Hildegard experienced visions. Perhaps due to her visions her parents offered her as a tithe to the church. Her enclosure date is cloudy and there is no written record of the next twenty-four years of her life in the convent. She was enclosed with another girl Jutta who also had visions and attracted many visitors. Jutta taught her to read and write, but not how to interpret biblical meaning. The two of them likely prayed, meditated, read scripture and did some type of handwork together. It is also believed it was at this time she learned to play the ten string psaltery. Upon Jutta’s death in 1136 Hildegard was unanimously elected magistra of her community by her fellow nuns. She wanted more independence and requested Abbot Kuno to be able to move the convent to Rupertsberg. This was to be a move towards poverty. She was denied. Hildegard in return went over his head and was granted permission from the archbishop. In 1150 Hildegard and twenty nuns made the move and were granted their own monastery.

At age 43 she received a vision from God to write down all that she had seen. Her first book the “Scivias” (Know the Ways) was the result. In it she described her struggles from within:
“But I, though I saw and heard these things, refused to write for a long time through doubt and bad opinion and the diversity of human words, not with stubbornness but in the exercise of humility, until, laid low by the scourge of God, I fell upon a bed of sickness; then, compelled at last by many illnesses, and by the witness of a certain noble maiden of good conduct [the nun Richardis von Stade] and of that man whom I had secretly sought and found, as mentioned above, I set my hand to the writing. While I was doing it, I sensed, as I mentioned before, the deep profundity of scriptural exposition; and, raising myself from illness by the strength I received, I brought this work to a close – though just barely – in ten years. […] And I spoke and wrote these things not by the invention of my heart or that of any other person, but as by the secret mysteries of God I heard and received them in the heavenly places. And again I heard a voice from Heaven saying to me, ‘Cry out therefore, and write thus!”

In addition to her writing she composed sixty-nine musical compositions including the oldest surviving morality play “Ordo Virtutum.” This is one of the largest outputs among all medieval composers. She also wrote over 400 letters to people ranging from Popes, Emperors, abbots, and abbesses. In addition she wrote two volumes on natural medicines and cures, an invented language called, “Lingua ignota,” a gospel commentary, two works of hagiography (writings about holy people such as saints), and finally three volumes of visionary theology : the “Scivias (Know the Ways)”, “Liber vitae meritorum (Book of Life’s Merits)” and “Liber divinorum operum (Book of Divine Works)”. In each of these texts she first describes the vision and then interprets them throughout the Bible. The books were celebrated in the Middle Ages in part because of the approval given by Pope Eugenius III. She also wrote “Physica” and “Causae at Curae”. Well known for her healing ability in these texts she describes the natural world including the cosmos, animals, plants, stones and minerals. She particularly focused on the healing abilities of plants, animals and stones. She also created her own alphabet with abridged words of a form of Latin. It is believed she used this alphabet to increase solidarity among her nuns.

Her belief was man and woman had complimentary roles and wrote,
“Man and woman are in this way so involved with each other that one of them is the work of the other. Without woman, man could not be called man; without man, woman could not be named woman. Thus woman is the work of man, while man is a sight full of consolation for woman. Neither of them could henceforth live without the other. Man is in this connection an indication of the Godhead while woman is an indication of the humanity of God’s Son”
~ Hildegard of Bingen

Most Admired: Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
Dorothy Parker was an American poet, short story writer, critic, screenwriter, and satirist best known for her wit and wisecracks especially in the 1920’s when she was a member of the Algonquin Round Table group or writers, critics, actors and artists. The Algonquin Round Table or “The Vicious Circle” circle as they dubbed themselves met for lunch every day at the Algonquin Hotel from 1919-1929. At these luncheons they engaged in wisecracks, wordplay and witticisms. Several of its members gained national reputations for their contributions to literature and for their wit. There was no official membership, however the founding or charter members included : Dorothy Parker, Robert Benchley (humorist and actor), Franklin Pierce Adams (columnist), Heywood Broun (columnist and sportswriter), Marc Connelly (playwright), Ruth Hale (Freelance writer and feminist), George S. Kaufman (playwright and director), Harold Ross (the “New Yorker” editor), Robert E. Sherwood (author and playwright), John Peter Toohey (publicist), and Alexander Wollcott (critic and journalist).

In later years Dorothy Parker would go on to criticize the group, “These were no giants. Think who was writing in those days—Lardner, Fitzgerald, Faulkner and Hemingway. Those were the real giants. The Round Table was just a lot of people telling jokes and telling each other how good they were. Just a bunch of loudmouths showing off, saving their gags for days, waiting for a chance to spring them….There was no truth in anything they said. It was the terrible day of the wisecrack, so there didn’t have to be any truth…” While it may be true that some members are perhaps now “famous for being famous” as opposed to their literary output, members did significantly contribute to the literary landscape. Including Pulitzer prizes won by Kaufman, Connelly and Sherwood (who won four), also sometime member author and playwright Edna Ferber also won a Pulitzer Prize. The continuing legacy of Ross’s New Yorker is also of major significance.

Parker sold her first poem to “Vanity Fair” in 1914 and a few months later was hired as an editorial assistant to another Condé Nast magazine, “Vogue.” She would move to “Vanity Fair” two years later as a staff writer. In 1918 she began writing theater criticism, originally as a stand in for a vacationing P.G. Wodehouse and her career really took off. It was here that she formed a close friendship with Robert Benchley and Robert E. Sherwood. The three of them began lunching at the Algonquin Hotel. In 1920 she was fired from “Vanity Fair” after her criticisms and caustic wit caused too many producers to be offended. Benchley and Sherwood both resigned in protest. With the founding of the “New Yorker” both Parker and Benchley were part of its board of editors set up to allay concerns of the investors. Her first piece for the magazine appeared in the second issue.

She became famous for her short, viciously humorous poems, many about her unsuccessful romantic affairs and her considering the appeal of suicide. In the 1920’s she published some three-hundred poems in “Vanity Fair,” “Vogue,” “The Coming Tower,” “New Yorker,” Life,” “McCall’s,” and “The New Republic.” In 1926 she published her first collection of poetry, “Enough Rope.” It garnered good reviews and sold 47,000 copies. “The Nation,” reviewed it as, “caked with a salty humor, rough with splinters of disillusion, and tarred with a bright black authenticity.” The volume helped to solidify her reputation for sparkling wit. She would go on to publish two more volumes of poetry, “Sunset Gun (1928),” and “Death and Taxes (1931).” She also published three short story collections “Laments for the Living (1930),” “After Such Pleasures (1933),” and “Not So Deep a Well (1936).” Her best known short story “Big Blonde” was awarded the O. Henry Award as the best short story of 1929. In the late 1920’s she began to become politically aware and active to a lifetime commitment to left-leaning causes which would eventually lead to her being blacklisted.

In 1934 she married Alan Campbell and they moved to Hollywood. They signed a 10 week contract with Paramount with Campbell earning $250 per week and Parker $1,000 per week. They would eventually earn up to $5,000 per week freelancing for various studios. They worked on more than fifteen films together.
With the entry of the United States she entered into a collaboration with Alexander Collcott on an anthology of her work with Viking Press for servicemen stationed overseas. It was released in 1944 in the United States as “The Portable Dorothy Parker,” One of only three in the series to continuously be in print, the other two being Shakespeare and the Bible.

During the 1930’s and 1940’s she became a vocal advocate for civil liberties, civil rights, and a critic of authority. She would report on the loyalist cause in Spain for the “New Masses” magazine. In 1936 she helped found the Hollywood anti-Nazi league. Its membership eventually grew to over 4,000. She was also chair of the Joint Anti-Fascist Rescue Committee. She helped to transport loyalist veterans to Mexico, headed the Spanish Children’s relief and allowed her name to be associated with many left-wing causes and organizations. In the 1950’s Parker was listed as a communist by the publication “Red Channels.” During the McCarthy era the FBI built a 1,000 page dossier on her and as a result was placed on the Hollywood blacklist by the movie studios.

She moved back to New York in 1952 and from 1957 to 1962 wrote book reviews for “Esquire.” She died June 7th, 1967 of a heart attack at age 73. She bequeathed her estate to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Following his death her estate was passed on to the NAACP. Her ashes remained unclaimed for some seventeen years. In 1988 the NAACP claimed her remains and designated a memorial garden for them outside their Baltimore headquarters. The Plaque reads:

“Here lie the ashes of Dorothy Parker (1893–1967) humorist, writer, critic. Defender of human and civil rights. For her epitaph she suggested, ‘Excuse my dust’. This memorial garden is dedicated to her noble spirit which celebrated the oneness of humankind and to the bonds of everlasting friendship between black and Jewish people. Dedicated by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. October 28, 1988.” On August 22nd, 1992 the 99thanniversary of her birth the United States Postal Service issued a commemorative stamp in the Library of Arts series. In 1987 The Algonquin Hotel was designated a New York City Historic Landmark.

A few short quotes :

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.”

“You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.”

“I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money.”

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”

Resume
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
~ Dorothy Parker

Most Admired: Sylvia Plath

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Sylvia Plath (1932-1963)

Sylvia Plath was an American poet, novelist, and short story writer. Born in Boston, Massachusetts she studied at Smith College and Newnham College. She married poet Ted Hughes in 1956 and had two children Frieda and Nicholas. After a long struggle with depression she committed suicide in 1963. To this day controversy surrounds both her life and death, as well as her writing and legacy. She along with some of her contemporaries (Anne Sexton and Robert Lowell among others) advanced the genre of confessional poetry. She is best known for her two collections of poetry “The Colossus and Other Poems,” and “Ariel,” as well as her semi-autobiographical novel “The Bell Jar.” In 1982 she became the first poet to win the Pulitzer Prize posthumously for “The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath.”

Growing up in Winthrop, Massachusetts an eight year old Plath published her first poem in the children’s section of the “Boston Herald.” In addition to her writing, she showed a lot of promise as an artist winning an award for her painting from The Scholastic Art & Writing Awards in 1947. Her father died when she was eight due to untreated diabetes and led to her having a loss in faith and remained ambivalent about religion for the rest of her life. In 1942 her mother moved the family to Wellesley, Massachusetts.

In 1950 while attending Smith College she wrote to her mother, “The world is splitting open at my feet like a ripe, juicy watermelon.” The summer after her third year of college she spent a month in New York City as a guest editor of “Mademoiselle” magazine. It did not go as well as planned. That summer she was refused admission to the Harvard writing seminar and began an emotional downward spiral. In August 1953 she made her first suicide attempt by crawling under her house and taking her mother’s sleeping pills. She was not found for three days. Later she would write of the experience, “blissfully succumbed to the whirling blackness that I honestly believed was eternal oblivion.” She would spend the next six months at McLean Psychiatric Hospital. While under the care of Dr. Ruth Beuscher she would receive insulin and electric shock treatments. She appeared to recover and returned to Smith College.

Plath and English poet Ted Hughes were married on June 16th, 1956. Plath described Hughes as, “a singer, story-teller, lion and world-wanderer with a voice like the thunder of God.” In 1957 they moved to the United States with Plath first teaching at Smith College, and then moving to Boston in 1958 where she worked as a receptionist in the psychiatric unit at Massachusetts General Hospital while in the evening attending a creative writing class by Robert Lowell (Anne Sexton was also in attendance). During this time both Lowell and Sexton encouraged her to write from her own experience. She openly discussed her depression with Lowell, and her suicide attempt with Sexton. At this time she began to see herself as a more serious and focused poet and storyteller. She also began a lifetime friendship with the poet W. S. Merwin. In December she resumed her treatment with Dr. Ruth Beuscher.

In December of 1959 Plath and Ted Hughes moved to London. She remained anxious about writing confessional poetry from her own experience. Around this time she would explain that she learned, “to be true to my own weirdnesses.” In 1960 she released her first book of poetry. In 1961 her second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, severely of her poems address this including, “Parliament Hill Fields.” In January of 1962 her son Nicholas was born. In June she was in a car accident which she would explain as one of her many suicide attempts. That July she would discover Ted Hughes was having an affair and they would separate in September.

Beginning in October of 1962 she would enter into the greatest burst of creativity of her career. It is at this time she would write almost all of the poems for which she is remembered and released posthumously in the collection “Ariel.” Her novel “The Bell Jar” came out in January 1963 to critical indifference. On February 11th, 1963 Plath was found dead having committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning in the kitchen with her head in the oven and the gas turned on. Hughes was devastated and in a letter wrote, “That’s the end of my life. The rest is posthumous.”

In the years following her death there were many accusations that Hughes had been abusive to Plath. The feminist poet Robin Morgan published a poem which openly accused Hughes of assault and her murder. In 1989 Hughes wrote an article in “The Guardian,” with this quote, “In the years soon after [Plath’s] death, when scholars approached me, I tried to take their apparently serious concern for the truth about Sylvia Plath seriously. But I learned my lesson early. […] If I tried too hard to tell them exactly how something happened, in the hope of correcting some fantasy, I was quite likely to be accused of trying to suppress Free Speech. In general, my refusal to have anything to do with the Plath Fantasia has been regarded as an attempt to suppress Free Speech […] The Fantasia about Sylvia Plath is more needed than the facts. Where that leaves respect for the truth of her life (and of mine), or for her memory, or for the literary tradition, I do not know.”

Hughes inherited the Plath estate and has been condemned in some circles for burning Plath’s last journal. He lost another journal and an unfinished novel and instructed a collection of her papers and journals should not be released until 2013. In 1998 he would publish a collection of poems called, “Birthday Letters,” which consists of 88 poems about his relationship with Plath. It would go on to win the Forward Poetry Prize, T.S. Eliot Prize for poetry, and the Whitebread Poetry Prize. He would die later that year of cancer.

A couple of quotes :

“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”
~ Sylvia Plath

Tulips – By Sylvia Plath

The tulips are too excitable, it is winter here.
Look how white everything is, how quiet, how snowed-in
I am learning peacefulness, lying by myself quietly
As the light lies on these white walls, this bed, these hands.
I am nobody; I have nothing to do with explosions.
I have given my name and my day-clothes up to the nurses
And my history to the anaesthetist and my body to surgeons.
They have propped my head between the pillow and the sheet-cuff
Like an eye between two white lids that will not shut.
Stupid pupil, it has to take everything in.
The nurses pass and pass, they are no trouble,
They pass the way gulls pass inland in their white caps,
Doing things with their hands, one just the same as another,
So it is impossible to tell how many there are.
My body is a pebble to them, they tend it as water
Tends to the pebbles it must run over, smoothing them gently.
They bring me numbness in their bright needles, they bring me sleep.
Now I have lost myself I am sick of baggage —-
My patent leather overnight case like a black pillbox,
My husband and child smiling out of the family photo;
Their smiles catch onto my skin, little smiling hooks.
I have let things slip, a thirty-year-old cargo boat
Stubbornly hanging on to my name and address.
They have swabbed me clear of my loving associations.
Scared and bare on the green plastic-pillowed trolley
I watched my teaset, my bureaus of linen, my books
Sink out of sight, and the water went over my head.
I am a nun now, I have never been so pure.
I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted
To lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty.
How free it is, you have no idea how free —-
The peacefulness is so big it dazes you,
And it asks nothing, a name tag, a few trinkets.
It is what the dead close on, finally; I imagine them
Shutting their mouths on it, like a Communion tablet.
The tulips are too red in the first place, they hurt me.
Even through the gift paper I could hear them breathe
Lightly, through their white swaddlings, like an awful baby.
Their redness talks to my wound, it corresponds.
They are subtle: they seem to float, though they weigh me down,
Upsetting me with their sudden tongues and their colour,
A dozen red lead sinkers round my neck.
Nobody watched me before, now I am watched.
The tulips turn to me, and the window behind me
Where once a day the light slowly widens and slowly thins,
And I see myself, flat, ridiculous, a cut-paper shadow
Between the eye of the sun and the eyes of the tulips,
And I hve no face, I have wanted to efface myself.
The vivid tulips eat my oxygen.
Before they came the air was calm enough,
Coming and going, breath by breath, without any fuss.
Then the tulips filled it up like a loud noise.
Now the air snags and eddies round them the way a river
Snags and eddies round a sunken rust-red engine.
They concentrate my attention, that was happy
Playing and resting without committing itself.
The walls, also, seem to be warming themselves.
The tulips should be behind bars like dangerous animals;
They are opening like the mouth of some great African cat,
And I am aware of my heart: it opens and closes
Its bowl of red blooms out of sheer love of me.
The water I taste is warm and salt, like the sea,
And comes from a country far away as health.