Literary History October 16th

A lot in Literary History Today:

~ 1847 – The novel Jane Eyre is published in London.

~ 1950 – The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis is published.

~ 1758 – Noah Webster was born, American lexicographer (d. 1843)

~ 1854 – Oscar Wilde was born, Irish playwright, novelist, and poet (d. 1900)

~ 1888 – Eugene O’Neill born , American playwright, Nobel Prize laureate (d. 1953)

~ 1927 – Günter Grass was born, German novelist, poet, playwright, Nobel Prize laureate (d. 2015)

~ 1997 – James A. Michener dies, American author and philanthropist (b. 1907)

Self-Imprisoned Into This Cell Of Orchestrated Ignorance

Self-imprisoned into this cell of orchestrated ignorance,
I eternally stare into the mirror upon the wall,
At the chance to see a reflection,
Of an isolated world from our preconceived notions.

All that forms the images before my eyes,
Is the deep, dark, backward memories of my life,
Carrying me back to the present moment,
Enabling me to analyze what I have evolved into.

My back braced cold against the table,
They place the ether mask across my face,
The fog carries itself into the corners of my mind,
Allowing me to be propelled among the world.

I follow the dark sky, by the slight moonlight,
Placing each foot in the trail I’ve created,
Careful not to touch too much emotion,
Careful not to experience too much.

Let us go past the deserted streets,
Fading memories long since fallen into dust,
Let us cross the fields of distant thoughts,
Releasing the manacles of time to manipulation.

Into our world’s forgotten souls I search,
Waiting cautiously for each moment of experience,
Tearing off the blindfolds of our innocence,
Tearing down the walls of our ignorance.

I Stare Into The Darkness

I stare into the darkness of my room,
of my mind.
Thoughts and images penetrate my consciousness,
moments, images, memories of the night I just lived.
My skin burns,
as my heart races buried within my chest.
What is this sensation, this feeling,
which consumes me?
Sleep, I must sleep,
things will make sense in the morning.
A scent, a whisper, a touch,
attempt to devour me.
My mind has become flooded,
drowning in moments from the past,
the present,
the possibilities that lie before me.
I hear the vehicles pass my house,
why are they so loud tonight?
The cat cries in the next room,
why can’t silence be mine, peace be mine.
I awake in a cold sweat,
my mind hasn’t been quieted.
I scratch for a semblance of sanity,
as I futilely attempt to sleep.
Enough, I cry out,
my eyes clenched shut.
The visions of his hands around my throat,
permeate my mind.
The tender touch of her cheek brushing mine,
supersedes my immortal nightmare.
A sigh in the darkness of my room,
and I am back.

Shadows

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Shadows

I’ve lived my life in the margins, a life in the shadows,
Never have I looked up bathed in the sunlight,
It hasn’t been that bad it’s where I always belonged.
From the shadows the voices scream inside my head,
Voices nobody else can hear, voices tormenting me,
Cries of anguish, cries taunting me, echoing in my mind.
The shadow people cloaked in darkness, eyeless, faceless,
Pursuing me through my dreams, through my fractured reality,
They are sent to torment me, through the void to this moment.

Vignette of The Past

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Vignette of The Past

I sit at the end of the bar,
A tattered copy of Percy Bysshe Shelley before me,
An ashtray overflowing with Camel Straight cigarette butts,
The fifth double Vodka-Tonic of the night resting upon a stained coaster,
Three shots of Jamison Irish Whiskey in a rocks glass,
I down a swallow of the whiskey, followed by a gulp of Vodka-Tonic,
And finally a slow drag from my cigarette,
Silent pleasures of a life already lived.

Guilt, Pity and Envy

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Guilt, Pity and Envy

I met Guilt, Pity and Envy in a black corridor,
They conceived a bastard love child,
He grows within my gut, tearing my belly asunder.

“Fuck off,” I screamed at the bastard buckling over,
His parents glared at me, surrounding me,
Their laugher echoes in my mind.

Guilt, Pity and Envy closed in on me,
I felt their breaths on the nape of my neck,
I smelled their foul air, the odor made me wretch.

I could feel the bastard consuming me from the inside,
Filling me up with a perverse version of his parent’s being,
Guilt, Pity, Envy and now Deceit.

“I will not succumb,” I cried, my eyes rolling into the back of my head,
I arched my back, contorting my body into a twisted mangle of flesh,
My body poured with sweat and tears, “You won’t take me without a fight.”

Their claws tore into my flesh,
Ripping my gut open,
Spilling my bowels across the floor.

“You can’t have me,” I snarled.
Their voices echoed in a gibberish I strained to comprehend,
Deep within my consciousness.

Guilt, Pity, and Envy swirled within me, whispering half-truths,
Deceit tears at me from inside, the bastard love child,
I see the straight razor glistening before me on the counter.

I hack open my throbbing wrists,
Spilling out all the Guilt,
All the Envy, All the Pity.

The bastard’s hands are around my throat,
Choking off my breaths, extinguishing my free will,
Deceit vanquishes my meager resistance.

I tear the bastard from me; he is not what I envisioned him to be,
The love child, Deceit, is a tall lustful shameless blond,
Dressed in a pristine glistening backless black latex gown.

“Stay out of my fucking head,” I scream, glaring at the bitch,
She smiles wryly, with a wink; she blows me a kiss,
I sigh deeply, Am I this pathetic?

Defiantly I raise the back of my hand to strike her,
Deceit’s talons burrow deeper into my flesh,
My hand drops submissively, pathetically, longingly.

Tears stream down my cheeks, my eyes smolder with an unfamiliar intensity,
“Enough whore,” I cry my eyes rolling back into my head,
I glare into her eyes, mine lowering to her neck, my fingers caress the razor.

Guilt, Pity and Envy, their laughter echoes in my mind,
Deceit steps forward grinding her body against my own,
I gasp as my body reacts to her touch, “Fucking bitch,” I mutter.

Her embrace is intense not quite tender; I feel her sucking my freewill.
“I despise you,” I whisper in desperation,
My eyes close to the clatter of the razor hitting the floor.

A silent sob,
The taste of blood on my lips,
She has won…

Word Salad

Times lapses repeating always inside my mind,
Trauma assault voices always the same time lapses,
They’re coming implanting thoughts actions in my head,
Time lapses repeating inside outside assault voices,
Stop the noise overwhelming destroying screaming.
Past past future present moments in time shadow,
Darkness echoes whispers time forgotten realities,
Shadow people cloaked darkness, eyeless, faceless,
Across all time pursuing reality lapses inside out,
Clawing cutting scaring skin stretches too tight blood,
Trickling down releases screaming always the same.
Voices in my head chirping chirping scratching,
Whispers whispers in my head, images of a time only I see,
Time races time crawls time stops in moments of lucidity.